Inner Monologues
by generic-loserr
Summary: These are inner monologues from the characters in Supernatural at different points in the series. I will take requests just send me a private message and I'll see what I can do. Rated M in general because you never know with Dean Winchesters swearing but I'll let you know at the beginning of a story if the rating is any different.


_Hello! This is going to be a collection of oneshots with whichever characters I feel like writing about. I will take requests but respect that it takes a while to write especially when you're running on 3 hours of sleep and a gallon of coffee. I will try to keep updates regular but really it's whenever I feel I need to write or at 2am when inspiration usually tends to strike._

 **Slight DeanxCastiel**

Takes place just after Dean beats up Castiel in the lead up to the s10 finale.

Dean POV

I couldn't stop myself. It was like I was watching someone else. I've never really bought that whole out-of-body experience bullcrap but if I did that's how I would describe it. Poor Cas, man. He was just being the loyal lap dog he usually is; he doesn't deserve to have his teeth smashed up into his skull. But I can't stop myself. Every punch feels better than the last, the tension and burn from the mark is alleviated just a fraction, just enough that I can see the old me again. But it's only briefly. The sweet spot I've learnt to call it. It's a slim window where the Mark is sedated enough that I feel normal. But after every hit it becomes harder to reach, the Mark demands more, and the thing is I'll give it more if it means that even for a second I can feel like myself again. Even if 'myself' is a functioning alcoholic with enough guilt to crush a bus and more STD scares than a high school awareness parade.

Cas is speaking. Trying to reason with me probably but I know I'm well beyond the point of reasoning. He looks terrified. Come to think of it this is the first time he has properly seen me go all kamikaze. He's seen the aftermath before with Claire and that creepy paedophile family thing she had going on. But he's never seen it firsthand, and now that he has, he looks terrified. That hurts for some reason; to be the reason that Cas is guarded and afraid. Then again I was just punching his brains out. He just drew his angel blade. I've always hated those things. Why would you make a blade with a metal grip? It's slippery the second your hand gets a little sweaty and more than once I've had the freaking thing burned out of my hand. God's design my ass. Would it kill these winged freaks to invest in leather grip handles?

When did I disarm Cas? I don't even remember moving let alone taking his blade. I'm straddling him. If the circumstances were different this is where Sammy usually walks in and finds us. His face is completely covered in blood and so are my hands. His bright blue eyes stand out against his bruised, bloody flesh. He isn't talking, just looking at me expectantly, eyes flicking quickly between mine and my raised hand holding his blade. It's actually kind of ironic if you think about it. Revenge for the time he had me in this exact position after the Leviathan used him as their personal cabbie. He showed me mercy back then. I'm not sure what it was but something changed between us on that day; a silent acknowledgement of some kind. Respect? Friendship? Lov-.

The Mark is getting impatient. It needs blood and it needs it now. But it will not have Castiel's. He lied to me and he went behind my back. But he did not put the plan in motion. That was all Sam. So Sam should be the one to pay for it. I stabbed the blade into a nearby book. If Sam was around I'm sure he would have flinched at how I mistreat his nerd library. I let go of the blade and climbed of Castiel I caught a brief glimpse of his face. He looked relieved and almost disappointed, as if he wanted me to do it. I think that's a talk for another time though; I've terrorised him enough for today. Plus I don't think I can look him in the face without seeing how scared I made him and how close I came to doing it. In the end though the way the Mark seems to work is that the more I want to hurt the person and the more I personally think they deserve it, the longer the sweet spot lasts and the longer I can fight it. So I don't honestly know if this is the Mark or me talking here, but if anyone's gonna have an angel blade rammed into their heart it's not gonna be Cas; it's gonna be Sammy.


End file.
